Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
