Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
