you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Enjoy the penises
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
