my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
