Can i not drive my cunt home
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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