Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
