garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Vodka?
Forever.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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