i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
