You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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