Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
