she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
