I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
