i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
