we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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