the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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