Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
