so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
