the condom got lost in my hair
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
