After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I currently don't understand fingers.
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