a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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