Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You brought string cheese to the strip club
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
