I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
