I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
