My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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