you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Everything about him screamed your future.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize