She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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