feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
