i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
