You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Is it penis luge time yet?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
