Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
