11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
