He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
