she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
