I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
