my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
