I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
