RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
