You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
