It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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