she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
