Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
