I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
