defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
