i permit you to call me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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