apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
