dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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