My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
