wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
