I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
