Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
