I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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