Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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