Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
