We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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