Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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