Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
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where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
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You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
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