i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize