I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My balls are so social today.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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