She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
