they need to just BURY HIM!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
