There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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