She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
